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Olive Oyl
There I was
The Big City
in a classic cartoon caper
the whole city was jumping, juke-joint jiving
to the beat of the foot-stompin' music that filled the air
Mountains pounded bongos
clouds kept time on the bass
and the sun was wailing away on an angel's trumpet
bouncing buildings with barbershop voices sang happy jazz songs
flapper dogs and hep cats were swingin' in the streets
everyone was happy, smilin' and dancin', so I joined on in
and it was awesome
cause the music wasn't constricted to a single merry melody
it was loony tunes playing all day
loony tunes playing till the moon came in with a long slow note on her saxophone
the sun and the moon had a duet in the sky
then the sun played one last set for a final finale and fell behind the hills with a wave
and I took a seat at a cartoon corner café and sipped coffee
I was whistling the moon's tune when I saw her,
crossing the street,
walking toward me,
she was,
Olive Oyl
with anime eyes
eyes that didn't belong in this era
tall with swimmer's shoulders and wire thin limbs
and when she flapped her eyelashes in my direction
I could only wish that I was Popeye or at least Brutus,
but instead I said, "Awwooooggaaahhh!!!! Awwooooggaaahhh!!!!"
my tongue flapped from my mouth and unfurled at her feet like a red carpet
which would have been great
except that at the same time
and my eyes bugged out and groped her titties
and it was obvious that she didn't like this at all
because her collar turned red and started steaming
and she turned and started walking away
but cartoons don't give up so easily
so I took off running after her
I came on strong
pulling off my best Bruce Wayne
but from her expression
I was coming across as Pepe Le Pew
so thinking quick and slick,
I stretched my arm like elastic
behind my back and around a corner
and grabbed some daisies off the cart of a passing merchant
I handed them to her shyly
and she was impressed!
her knees knocked together, hands wrung by her ear
and we started dancin' again in the street
cheek to cheek, heels back, chins high
we danced right outta the city
and everything was goin' groovy great for a while
when who should pull up on his motorcycle
but this Charles Lindbergh motherfucker
in leather and goggles
and a white scarf flapping over his shoulder like a sacred flag
and suddenly she was in his arms insteada mine
I didn't even see her feet move
it was like she was snapped up by some evil force
and before I knew it I was standing alone on the corner
with a wilted bouquet of daisies,
coughing in a cloud of laughter and motorcycle dust as they rode off into the night.
but like I said, cartoons don't give up so easily
so I whipped out my extendable stick
which I stretched to catch'em
and stuck up in the spokes o' that bloke's motorbike
but before Olive Oyl could be seein' stars
I caught her quick with my extendable stick
and zipped her back into my arms.
the moon's saxophone sonata plays on over the stars' violins
now picture Olive and me from the side
we kiss and a heart grows out of the point where our lips touch
it covers the screen completely
and your expecting a pig in a jacket,
but
instead comes a dog in a hat
who says:
That's all Folks!
(goofy laugh)
***ALTERNATE ORIGINAL ENDING***
l(pick up right after "as they rode off together into the night")
plodding my way back to town
I thought about Olive Oyl-
she sure is fickle
I mean, first she was with Brutus
then Popeye kicked his ass repeatedly so she got with him
then she hooked up with me behind his back just cause I gave her some flowers
and then at the drop of a hat she goes off with some other guy with a slick motorcycle
she'll probably leave him for the first guy to come along who's even bigger!
fact is,
I'm better off without her
I don't need people like that in my cartoon.
(goofy laugh.)