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Chickens
Now, I don't wanna ruffle your feathers,
but you're not gonna die of bird flu.
Bird flu is SARS for 2005/2006.
and you remember what happened to SARS, right?
Well I'll tell ya!
it turns out that it's not nearly as infectious as they thought,
and no one has caught it in 2 years.
And I'm not saying that doctors and scientists around the world
shouldn't be concerned that bird flu could mutate
into a form that can be transmitted between humans...
I'm just saying that it hasn't yet...
and until it does maybe we non-scientists shouldn't freak out about it,
because we already have a few pandemics on our hands,
like AIDS and cancer;
the most likely cause of death for an American is heart disease,
under 45 it's a car accident,
So really,
if there's anything we need to worry about,
it's smoking, sunscreen, safe sex, drunk drivers and our own fat asses.
To put it another way:
while I realize the early bird gets the worm,
you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket,
or count your chickens before they hatch.
that way, when there's a fox news loose in the henhouse,
and there's nobody here but us chickens of a feather flocking together,
you won't believe the rumors flyin' 'bout the sky falling,
and won't drown in the rain looking up with the rest of the jive-turkeys,
runnin' around like they got they heads chopped off.
You'll let the news roll off your back like water off a duck,
flip them the bird
and clip their wings like,
"it's time to come home to roost, roast!
Your goose is cooked,
and I've got a bone to pluck with you-
this chickenfeed you're selling is for the birds circlin' your head!
so stop shooting hummingbirds with cannons-
one in the hand is worth two in the bush,
and we've already got our hands full over here,
so why don't you just have some chicken-noodle soup and an egg roll,
and I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning?"
and if they persist,
"But what about the bird flu? What about the bird flu!?!?!"
Say,
"Bird flu?
Bird flew?
What bird flew?
Birds fly all the time.
What
are you chicken or something?"